The venue received a promotional postcard from a makeup artist. It had a nice message on the front expressing gratitude to its partners and collaborators and wishing a joyful season filled with peace. I flipped it over and saw their Countdown to Gorgeous – a complimentary resource for myself and my clients, filled with a checklist of 42 beauty tips, each one timed and arranged based on how long before the wedding.
I am not a bride-to-be, but I am a woman who is constantly marketed to with an endless list of products, services, and “tips” for how to be healthier, more beautiful, happier, etc. It is relentless. Although I do think the postcard was made to be helpful and rooted in kindness, it also grossed me out because it was a crystallized moment of seeing all the pressure women are under to perform, especially a bride on her wedding day.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look beautiful on your wedding day. Yes, of course! But the postcard wasn’t just about being beautiful on your wedding day– it is the message that you need to do more– you are not complete as you are at this moment. That if you wake up on your wedding day and apply the makeup you already own and do your own hair, that’s not enough, or it isn’t the right thing to do. Does every bride need to wear makeup?
The postcard is a reminder of all of the effort and “should-dos” that quietly creep into the back of our brains. All of these things might benefit our skin, hair, and nails, but they also benefit companies that exist solely because we feel we are not enough as we are. The message is– you are not enough. The reality is– we are all fully whole just as we are– without the spray tan, pedicure, exfoliating, threading your eyebrows, etc.
By all means– do all the things– but first, make sure you have money for it. And second, ask yourself– does this fulfill my desire and infuse my life with pleasure? Over the years, we have seen clients go over budget, max out their credit cards, and feel overwhelmed by everything they “need” to do. Being in credit card debt doesn’t actually make us feel better in the long run.
I wanted to write a blog today to share a different emphasis– what if you did 42 things the year before your wedding that were focused on connecting and communicating with your partner? What if you did 42 things the year before your wedding that were centered around cultivating inner peace and ease?
Many times, our happiest clients are the ones who do the fewest extras for their wedding. I believe a beautiful bride is one who is truly present and grounded in who she is and in the partner she is choosing. Next time you notice a marketing campaign for your attention and money, check in with yourself with one of these:
What is it that I am really after?
I prioritize what makes me feel fully alive.
I don’t need to fix everything.
I am meant to live in peace.
